This is what forgiveness looks like

This is what forgiveness looks like (April 2015)

I’ve never had an actual boyfriend, but I’ve had a few situations. I define situations as spending time with people who I enjoy being around but I know in the end, it won’t work out. I knew these situations were temporary so I didn’t invest much. A lot of the reason these situations didn’t turn out to be more was because of me (go figure). I wasn’t open, I wasn’t honest about how I was feeling, and I was just kind of there, waiting to see what happens next; waiting for the end. Most of these guys were not saved, although some were involved in church and I’m actually still friends with most of them (clearly not the disappearing acts guy), but I’m thankful for the grace of God that these situations were just situations.

I’ve had many friends in church who get in relationships and either because of sin, well mostly because of sin (sexual sin, putting their man before God), it has ruined their relationship with God. After these earthly relationships have ended they have a hard time getting back to God and some still have yet to. I know for a fact this could have easily been me because of the situations I chose to put myself in. I can admit I felt as though I was missing out on something (and sometimes still do). Almost everyone around me is talking to someone or in a relationship, so at the time, it felt good to be able to add something to the conversation, not fully aware of what I was risking to feel included. I was of the mindset it (fornication, turning away from God) won’t happen to me because I’m not really that interested in the guy. It was just fun, not anything that was suppose to amount to something. I now realize I could have been having a fun ride to hell over something I wasn’t even serious about (sounds harsh but it’s reality). Thank God for the Holy Ghost that keeps you even when you don’t want to be kept. Thank God for my naivety because certain conversations and certain references just flew over my head. Thank God for my stubbornness because certain things I wasn’t even going to entertain. I am no angel and those of you who may have fallen into certain temptations are no devils. We all fall short of His glory (Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God), but it’s His glory we are given the opportunity to strive for each day anew.

Sometimes I look back on certain situations with shame, questioning why that even seemed like a good idea, but then I quickly remember God’s grace (2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me). So often we punish ourselves for mistakes we have made, which God has already forgiven us for. It’s difficult to move forward if you are constantly looking back, in fact, you can’t even see what’s coming up ahead. You can’t prepare yourself for the stumbling blocks or the victories. You have admitted your faults and you make the conscious effort every day not to repeat them (you are Godly sorrowful). Walk in your forgiveness, not your wrongdoings. Walk in grace and mercy, not shame and fear. God loves you and regardless of anything you’ve done, He always will (John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life).