A friend and I went ice skating last winter and my friend being who she is (friendly), ended up in conversation with this guy. Long story short, this guy and his brother ended up helping us tighten our skates and walking out with our numbers. Often times I end up in these situations because I ask myself the question, “why not,” when I should be asking myself “why.” How do I believe this person will add to my life? What purpose will they serve in the long term? It’s easy to do things just for fun, but if we are serious about being found (women) and finding (men), as Christians there are certain things we must consider before handing out our number all willy nilly. Here are some tips for single Christians who think they may be interested in someone:
1. Pray (Proverbs 3:6)
For some reason when it comes to dating and being attracted to people, we leave God out of it. The minister who runs my church’s noonday prayer said it best, “God is interested in EVERY area of our lives.” If we think we might be interested in someone, pray about it, and see what God says.
2. Do not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14)
I’ve heard it 1000 times, you’ve heard it 1000 times and we’ve heard it 1000 times because it matters. It was very recently that I started to understand the true importance of this scripture. I told my father figure countless times, it would not be a huge deal if my boyfriend wasn’t saved or didn’t go to church; as long as he believed in Jesus, it was okay (which is interesting because I actually entertained the attention of an agnostic guy for a minute lol). I spend a lot of time involved in church activities, which would mean less time I was spending with him and could become less time I would spend at church if I started spending more time with him. I want to be with someone who I can pray with and who can pray with me, not just when times are rough, but as a part of our daily routines. I don’t want church to be “my thing,” I want Christ to be our life. My partner being saved is a non-negotiable. (Full transparency: that last sentence was really hard to write lol. It feels like I’m cutting out 99% of my possibilities (and I probably am), but I remind myself there is only one that’s suppose to find me so I can do without the others)
3a. Christian men are men too (1 Corinthians 13:11)
Don’t be afraid to be aggressive. Don’t allow the fact that you’re a Christian man allow you to forget that you’re still a man. This does not mean pursue a woman the same way an ungodly man would, but it does mean you should be the one doing the pursuing. Text her first. Give her a call. Ask her to join you for dinner. Pick up the check. Tell her she’s beautiful. Don’t make her have to guess whether or not you’re interested, show her. So many times guys get a bad rap because they talk to multiple women (sometimes at the same time), I’m saying choose one and go for it (after you have prayed and God gave you the green light). And don’t just go for the girl with the nice body or who will look good sitting on the front row as your first lady. Ask yourself is she the woman described in Proverbs 31? Does she have the potential to be that woman? Is that the woman she aspires to be? If the answer is yes, don’t miss an opportunity to show a Godly woman what a Godly man looks like.
3b. Know Your Worth (Proverbs 31:10)
“Ladies, you determine your worth. Don’t allow a man to treat you like a fast food restaurant he can drive through every time he gets the munchies. Demand that he invests his time, energy, and money in getting to know you because you are no man’s cheeseburger.” These sentiments come from a Godly man and I couldn’t agree more. I freely admit, as a Christian woman, sometimes we get desperate. In our minds (and I think it’s reality lol) there is a shortage of Godly men, so if one finds us, we put up with whatever. And in many cases even if he is not a Godly man, we still put up with whatever because we just want to feel like we’re being wanted. We do all the calling and texting. We organize (and often times pay) for all the dates, and all we require is that the guy shows up. But we (I have to remind myself) deserve more. You deserve to be texted good morning first. You deserve to be taken out on a nice date you have no idea about. You deserve to have your meal paid for (disclaimer: I’m not saying men should pay all the time but they should pay most of the time especially in the beginning 🙂 ). You are worth it, but he won’t believe it if you don’t believe it. You will have to say no A LOT, but trust that God has a yes better than all those no’s put together.
4. You don’t have to go out with every “nice girl” or every “nice guy” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
It’s okay if you don’t like everyone who likes you. Just because you’re a saved girl and he’s a saved guy, doesn’t mean you all are meant to be. Being in a Godly relationship requires more than two Godly people living for Christ. It requires two people who are mutually attracted to each other, who enjoy spending time together, and they can be their complete self with each other (not just the person everyone sees at church). Talking about church is great, but at some point you’re going to want to talk about other things, so you have to have other common interests. A friend of mine told me when he meets girls, he puts them into three categories: short term friend, long term friend, and wife potential, and behaves accordingly with each category. Men if you don’t like a girl who likes you, don’t text her every day, stop inviting her to dinner all the time, stop telling her how beautiful she is. These are things men do if they like a woman. Women if you don’t like a guy who likes you, don’t text him every day, stop agreeing to dinner every time, stop the flirty hand on his shoulder. These are things women do if they like a man. I understand that some of us are friendlier than others, which may give off the wrong impression, but make the effort to make boundaries clear.
Next week I’ll give tips on being in a Godly relationship before marriage!