It always takes me a minute to write about experiences I have with people, whether good or bad. It’s like I need the dust to settle to truly see how I feel about the situation. This has been a year in the making and I don’t even know where to start. Let’s start at the end.
Have you ever worked yourself up to be brave? You had a pep talk with yourself, allowed trusted individuals to encourage you with words of wisdom, and when the opportunity came to use your bravery, you actually did it? Well, I did. The big question was: “what are we doing?” After almost a year of going back and forth with this guy, going out on dates, going weeks maybe even months without talking, then picking back up, we were on a merry go round and that question was suppose to help me get off. The answer I received: “I’m not good at relationships.” Which was okay because then we could just be friends. We laughed a lot, had decent conversations, all the makings of a great friendship. But no one wants to be in the friend zone because as he put it, “it’s hard to get out of the friend zone.” But you’re bad at relationships though…
At that moment I should have left well enough alone but that made too much sense, so the merry go round continued. That is until not too long after that conversation, he ended up in a relationship with someone who wasn’t me and I got kicked off the merry go round and into the friend zone he didn’t want to be in. Now what? We partake in this poorly choreographed dance around each other’s feelings, not wanting to make things awkward between mutual friends, our families, and I guess each other.
A year later and were still engaged in this dance. I think about all the things I should have said, things I should have done, all the things I have learned. I should have walked away from the merry go round the second time I saw it going around. People aren’t bad at relationships, they’re bad at relationships they don’t want to be in. Too many times I held on to the idea of what could be instead of what was in front of me. I saw inconsistency as nervousness instead of as lack of interest. I saw silence as busyness, instead of as an indicator of his priorities. And no matter how well things seemed to be going when we were talking, I had to accept he wasn’t that interested in me and I wasn’t a priority for him.
Ladies it’s okay if someone doesn’t like you as much as you like them. It’s not okay to ignore those signs because then you end up like me, caught off guard when they find someone they like enough to genuinely pursue. It’s not okay for them to pretend nothing happened and for you to go along with it because you don’t want to ruffle any feathers. I was brave to ask “what are we doing,” but I should have continued to be brave and asked “what just happened?” Try as you might, you cannot just settle into the friend zone without a conversation. It may be uncomfortable but it is well needed if you wish to maintain a friendship.
Closure would have been cute three or four months after the merry go round stopped but it is no longer needed. I’m okay if we never talk again, I’m okay if we do. From a pure heart, I pray this guy encounters nothing but success in every area of his life. I went to my Father with all my hurt feelings and He sorted them out and allowed me to continue living my best life!
1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.