I know it’s the question that’s been burning on the hearts and minds of everyone lol. But in all actuality, I get a variation of this question more often than one would think. It’s usually masked as “we have to find you someone” or “so, there’s no one? Like, nobody?” Usually when friends ask I respond by saying, “because you’re not praying hard enough.” I’m (mostly) kidding, but in these moments my friends seem more distraught about my single status than I am. And honestly, I’m not bothered by people questioning my singleness. It’s not a curse or a shame I carry around with me, hoping no one notices. It’s the season I’m in and just like people ask basketball players how their season is going, people may ask how the single life is going. There are some people who ask excessively or try to diagnosis you with a mental health disorder because you’re single, but thankfully my friends and family aren’t those people.
So why am I single?
- Because I’m not ready. We often think because someone has a certain level of education, a career, certain material things, they have it together and are equipped to be in a relationship. Y’all, I’m a mess. And I know there may be people who are “more” of a mess and they manage to be in a relationship, but maybe they should follow my lead, and be alone too. And I know when I meet that special someone, I’ll get ready. But no one has came along to inspire me to be ready, so no, I’m not ready.
- Because I can’t settle. I tried, God wouldn’t let me. He allowed the man to disappear, like literally vanish out of my life. And now I’ve grown to the point where I won’t let me settle. I don’t have time to lower my standards to fit someone into a role they were never meant to play. This is not the community league where everyone gets playing time. Only the best get in the game.
- Because God said so. I got tired of talking back to God. “But God, he’s nice.” “But God, he’s cute.” “But God, he has a good job.” “But God, he goes to church sometimes.” God’s “because I said so,” became good enough for me. The more comfortable I became with “because I said so,” the less singleness felt like a plague. Marriage is a goal but it’s not THE goal. So until God says otherwise, single is what I will be.
I know I’ll eventually meet someone great but I’m in no rush. Perhaps if I’m 35 and still single, I may be singing a different tune but today I’m 27 and I’m okay. I get it though. As young children you are taught, you grow up, you get married, and have kids. A 5 year old told me I was weird because I didn’t have a husband or children and it was so funny to me because I kind of agreed. The older I get, and less single friends I have, the more I realize it may be a little weird. I can do weird though. I can’t do lonely, less than, ugly, desperate, unapproachable, or unlovable because I’m none of those. My single status is not the result of an inherent flaw within myself, it’s my season. And one of the things I love about seasons, they do change.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven