You all remember in school when the teacher allowed you to work in pairs but said everyone had to show their own work? If you had a good partner, you all collaborated, both contributed ideas, worked together to come up with an answer. If you had a not so good partner, either they waited for you to do all the work then copied your answer or they were unwilling to let you do any of the work and insisted you copy their answer. In both cases, both parties didn’t do their own work. Too many times in relationships, whether they be romantic, friendships, parent/child, coworkers, we’re unwilling to do our own work. It’s always someone else’s fault that we are the way we are. We take what others give us, and don’t contribute our own ideas and thoughts to the situation. We think we know it all, and won’t allow the other person to have a voice.
You may have had a rough childhood, but it doesn’t give you the right to be a rude adult. You have to do your own work and stop blaming mommy and daddy. This may mean going to therapy and figuring out how to break the cycles you’ve found yourself entrenched in. Maybe she cheated, but you made the choice to stay, so now you do the work of helping to mend the broken bridge and not look to her to fix it all. This may mean saying less and listening more or speaking up for yourself when you notice things getting off track.
As believers, we can’t have good relationships if we don’t have a good relationship with the Father. He’s already sent His son to do the work, it’s up to us to do our part. I don’t know about anyone else but when me and God aren’t on the best terms, I’m very difficult to be in a relationship with. I’m not as kind, as patient, or as understanding as I should be. I say mean things and I’m not sorry about it, I’m just not nice. Me, myself, and I have to not only make it right with God, I have to be accountable with the people here on earth that I call friends and family. That could mean praying more and reading my bible more often. It could also mean apologizing to my friends and family and not passing it off as, “they know how I am.” And part of this work, is taking steps to keep from making the same mistakes. This could come in the form of keeping that mean thought to myself or speaking up for myself when my needs aren’t being met.
I’m learning that I can’t look for other people to maintain good relationships with me. If I’m choosing to be in relationships, I’m choosing to do my own work. And I’m also learning that not everyone wants to do their own work and I’m unwilling to let them copy mine.