So I have a confession… I’m an undercover perfectionist. But only when it comes to certain things. I was okay not making straight A’s in school. It was fine if I missed most of my shots when I played basketball. I’ve never been phased by deadlines. For most things in my life, I’m more than okay with doing the bare minimum (y’all pray for me because I need to work on this). But when it comes to how I interact with new people, and some other things I’m too embarrassed to mention, it has to be perfect all the time. I constantly replay conversations in my mind and wonder why I didn’t say something different, why didn’t I say more or less, why didn’t I use a different tone. I’m so quick to point out my flaws and conclude that it’s why I’m single or why I haven’t achieved certain goals. I decide it makes me unlovable and hard to deal with. I believe the lie for a moment then snap myself back into reality. I tell myself I said what I needed to say and if they didn’t like it, life will go on. It hasn’t always been this simple for me.

I used to tell myself I didn’t care but I knew I did. I would attempt to convince myself that what I was saying wasn’t important enough to remember so hopefully they would forget the whole conversation happened. I would avoid interactions so I wouldn’t have to face my insecurities. But when I decided to live life on purpose a couple of years ago and truly embrace who I am, flaws and all, I had to be okay with not getting it right all the time and even worse, other people noticing I didn’t get it right. It’s part of being human and living a life with feeling. God didn’t create us to be in a constant state of worry. Worrying if we said the right thing, worrying if we performed well, worrying if people will like us, worrying if we’ll get it all done, worrying if we’re good enough, worrying if we’re going to be the best. We strive towards perfection, we don’t worry about it.

You’re making mistakes and correcting them. You’re falling and getting up. You’re hurting those you love and asking for forgiveness and never doing that (whatever that was) again. You’re failing and trying again. You didn’t get it all done yesterday and you’re thanking God that you have the chance to today. You’re being human while at the same time making every effort to be who God called you to be and every day becoming a little more like Jesus.

Isaiah 64:8 But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

October 2019