April 2021

I’ve never been one to wear my clothes tight. My younger sister would always yell at me and tell me I look homeless because I preferred my clothes to have a little breathing room. Well, that was the first clue that something was different; there was less and less breathing room. I understood the pain Beyonce was speaking of when she mentioned jumping to get into jeans. Dresses I’d worn several times through the years, didn’t fit the same. I never had to struggle to put certain shirts on but now I did. So finally, I stepped on the scale and I was shocked. I thought it was broken, so I tried it again and again the next day, but it said what it said.

I know, I know, I’ve heard it all before:

“You’re still small.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“You could stand to gain a few more pounds.”
“You’re gorgeous at whatever size you are.”

I get it, I really do; but sometimes I don’t care about any of that. It’s less about what I look like or feel like right now and more about what I looked like and how I felt, and honestly, what the scale used to say. I’m comparing myself to myself and as much as I’ve grown to love where these extra pounds have landed, there are days (and outfits) when I would prefer fewer of those pounds.

Call it happy weight, thank the pandemic, however we got here, here we are. I’m still learning to appreciate every curve and lump and bump. I’m learning my metabolism is not what it used to be. I’m learning to go up a size when necessary. I’m learning to make healthier eating choices. I’m learning to exercise consistently. I’m learning to be kind to myself at whatever size I am. I’ve never been short on confidence and what the scale says certainly won’t change that. I’m actively working to get back somewhat close to where I was but I won’t be held a prisoner in my own body because of what the scale said and I hope you won’t either. I’ll make my younger sister proud and enjoy a little less breathing room for now.

Psalms 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.