Prior to last night, I’ve never felt like I’ve been punched in the guts before; like all the wind had been knocked out of my body. I’ve experienced great loss, unexpected loss but for whatever reason, this was different. My sweet Joshua left this earth a few days ago. He wasn’t a best friend or even a close friend, but Josh had a way of making everyone who came in contact with him feel special. We spent two years together in graduate school and during that time, I watched Josh transform into living unapologetically as himself. Occasionally, he would give me a pep talk using colorful language and as I sobbed in the bathroom at church today while the praise team sung, “live, live, live, live, live,” I summed up those pep talks as Josh daring me to live. Him telling me to be okay where I was.
Moments like these I can find myself being in a dark space but today I didn’t go to that place. I was surrounded by friends and reminded God was still good. I stared at my fiancé and was reminded that God was still good. I celebrated the birthday of a woman diagnosed with cancer a year ago and was reminded God was still good. God is still good. Today I am weak, and He is still strong.
I am forever grateful for Joshua’s life and the influence he had in mine. And I’ll always choose to dare to live.
2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.