Sundays With Rae

a blog for women by a woman who is trying to get her life together while still loving Jesus

Doing Single Well

Since becoming engaged, a friend of mine asked me for advice about navigating the world of dating/romance from a faith-based lens. I’ve told my fiancé more than once that since being in a relationship, I feel like I know even less about relationships than I did before getting into one. That sounds terrible but in this short time I have learned that every relationship is unique and it should be. But being single? I know that well. Of course, everyone’s single journey is different but as someone who boldly considered themselves chronically single, I’m not going to lie, I feel a bit like an expert.

I can’t tell you how to get a man. I got mine, so just be happy for me but I can share how to live happily single. I did it for quite some time and some moments were better than others but when I was out here living my best single life, I kept the following in mind:

My relationship status won’t determine the quality of my life.

Single, dating, divorced, engaged, married, whatever your relationship status is, good things are happening in your life and they are still going to happen. My mom always says, “one monkey don’t stop no show!” As a single woman, I still had goals to crush. I still had places to see. I still had friends to love and celebrate with and be celebrated by. I had songs to sing loudly and badly to in the car and in the shower. I had shows to watch. I had family to laugh with. I had a goddaughter who thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. I had a job that didn’t make me crazy (most days). I had a God to glorify. These are the things that made/make me happy and give quality to my life.

“My name is ____________ and I’m so very, fly oh my, it’s a little bit scary.”

That song was my anthem for a while (Pretty Girl Rock – Keri Hilson). Long ago one of my friends asked me if I thought I looked better than Beyonce. I hesitated to respond because I figured “no” was the “right answer,” but I knew it wasn’t my truth. I can’t remember what I said but understand, I certainly don’t think I look worse (interpret that as you will). Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I hope whatever you behold in the mirror, you see as beautiful. After all, if you don’t, why should anyone else? You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and they won’t be yours (people tend to forget that part), and that’s okay. Some days you’ll feel yourself a bit more than others but deep down, you have to believe you are more than pretty enough. And not only that, you have a wonderful personality to go with what people see (hopefully). Looks may not be everything but you are a looker! You wear confidence well. Walk in that truth.

I am who I am.

And I’m wonderful. I’m a Christian. I’m independent. I laugh a lot. I like country music. I’m a giver. I’m an introvert. I’m constantly becoming the best version of myself. I am who I am and I embrace that person. I know for a fact there was more than one guy who passed me by because who I was didn’t align with what they were looking for. If I had been a little less independent, been more outgoing, didn’t love Jesus as much, we probably could of have something (at least for a few more weeks). But if it cost me myself, it was far too expensive. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to force certain situations and got my feelings hurt along the way, but when I finally tallied up the expense of it all, it was never worth it. I had/have so many flaws, but I was/am unwilling to negate all the amazing qualities I bring to any relationship I find myself in. In my singleness, I perfected being me; I truly learned to love her.

Sometimes we shame people for wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be married and wanting to have kids. We tell them to just enjoy where they are because the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I’ve never wanted to be that person because I remember the countless prayers I prayed to God and moments when it felt like He didn’t hear me. I remember friends having to remind me I’m the prize. I remember joking with my friends that “this would be my year,” while hoping deep down inside it really would be. Two things can be true at the same time; you can be happily single and still desire to be in a relationship. You can catch flights and swipe right. You can look up first date questions and look up the home buying process. You can write a list of qualities you’re looking for in a spouse and write a list of ingredients you’ll need for a recipe you’re excited to make for yourself. Being single was beautiful and being engaged is beautiful. It’s not about the grass being greener but tending to whatever grass I find myself in.

While I believe God will give us the desires of our hearts, I also believe He intends for us to enjoy where we are.

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

Ecclesiastes 5:18 Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion.

May 2021

Not All Dates Are Good…

Have you ever been on a date so terrible, it made you consider being a nun? Okay, this date wasn’t that bad but it wasn’t good, like, at all. My name is Jocee, and this is my story.

He was almost seven feet tall, caramel complexion, muscular build, with a few dreadlocks on the top of his head that were brown at the tips. They had been freshly re-twisted which sounds like a good thing but it wasn’t. He had on a muscle shirt with joggers that were tighter than my jeans and if I had the courage, I would have walked out of the lobby of that movie theater then but I told myself I needed to be open minded and just because I didn’t like how the gift was wrapped, didn’t mean it wasn’t a gift. After all, he had drove over an hour to go to the movies with me which sounds sweet but was a red flag. None of our conversations had been very in depth, so he really didn’t know me well enough for such a sacrifice to be considered sweet. But again, I’m trying to be open minded, maybe the Lord told him something that He didn’t tell me.

As soon as we sit down in our seats, I could already see what kind of afternoon it was going to be. Some people enjoy talking throughout a movie. I’m not necessarily opposed to this if I know you and we can laugh about things together. This was not one of those situations. He commented on the commercial before the movie regarding his car being better than the car that was in the advertisement. He commented on the commercial about tipping the waitress (dine in movie). He commented about putting his phone on silent. This was all before the actual movie came on! I’m sure he was nervous like I was, and perhaps this was his way of trying to loosen things up but it was not working. The movies is not a good first date, especially if you’re not doing dinner too, and to add insult to injury he asked what I enjoyed doing and the movies was not on my list (although I do enjoy the movies), so a part of me thinks he just wanted to see this movie. Once the movie got started, things didn’t get any better.

At some point he alluded to us being in a relationship and him protecting me from bad guys… Sir, I don’t even know if I would want to be your friend. He asked what I would do if he was as short as one of the characters in the movie, which to me felt like he thought he was better than because he was over six feet tall. Little did he know, I would have much rather been sitting next to a guy who was five feet and would let me enjoy the movie in peace.

All of this was annoying if nothing else, but the worst part of this whole date was when I realized he was using the same balled up tissue to repeatedly wipe his nose. I’m not sure if it was allergies or a cold, but I know it was unattractive. This was pre-pandemic, so I wasn’t nervous about COVID-19, but I wanted no parts of any other germs he had. Y’all, I’m not talking about one or two wipes; he had to wipe multiple times. I have really bad allergies year around so I know what a struggle it can be, but that balled up tissue was attempting to kill me softly. Then he looked over at me and I’m pretty certain he was trying to figure out how he was going to put his arm around me. Let me tell you, God was with me that day because I don’t know how I would have reacted if he had figured it out. Maybe slide down in the seat or act like I had to go to the bathroom, pretend I got a phone call, and maybe even holler, I just don’t know. But I do know, there was no way he was touching me.

Soon enough the movie was over and I was praying he didn’t want to go anywhere else. It would have made sense considering he drove that distance and we really didn’t get a chance to talk (well, he talked), but the Lord smiled on me again, and we said our goodbyes. I honestly would have agreed to go sit in a coffee shop or go get ice cream, hoping it would make up for the movie but I’m grateful I didn’t have to. We texted a few more days after that but eventually I had to tell him I wasn’t interested. I did feel kind of bad but I’m too old to waste my time or somebody else’s. He wasn’t a terrible person, he just wasn’t my person. So that was my not so good date. What’s yours?

*Certain details have been changed out of respect to the other party involved 

Wasted outfit

Extraordinary Love

One of my favorite things to talk about are relationships. Perhaps it’s the marriage and family therapist in me but I could literally talk abut relationships all day (and now I’m realizing that at one point in my life, while in school, I did). I’m grateful I’m surrounded by couples willing to discuss the ups and downs of being in a committed relationship. I’m grateful for the men in my life who don’t sugar coat anything and for my other single ladies who are out here with me, trying to navigate this territory. Call me a hopeless romantic and maybe even crazy but I believe we’re all capable of extraordinary love. God loves us with a perfect love, so much so, He gave His only begotten Son. Every day, come what may, He chooses us. Every day, if we allow Him to, He’s perfecting us so we’re able to share this love. And from this thought, the questions I’ve been asking in my recent conversations about relationships are: are you experiencing the love you’ve always dreamed of or at least working towards it? Are you experiencing extraordinary love?

Extraordinary love will look different for everyone. It will feel different for everyone. For some people it’s being showered with kisses every day. For others it’s being able to pour out your heart and soul without fear of judgement. While others it’s being able to worship together whether at home or at church. And for some others, it’s tagging each other in every funny meme they see. Maybe for you it’s all of this or none of this, but whatever it is, I pray you’re experiencing it in your relationship. I pray you experience butterflies sometimes and you have more good days than bad. I pray you laugh from your soul every once in a while. I pray you’ve grown more spiritual than you were before you met your partner. I pray you go places and see things together. I pray spending time together isn’t a burden but a memory worth creating. I pray that even when you’re mad, you always remember you’re on the same team. I pray that apologizing becomes easier to do and forgiveness flows like a river. I pray you don’t just talk a lot but you communicate effectively. I pray you’re playing an active role in creating your own happy, your own extraordinary love.

Too often we fall into relationships because it’s convenient and we find ourselves waking up every day hoping extraordinary love will just appear. We hope our partners will sense what we need without us communicating those needs. We hope our partners will fill a need they weren’t created to fill. And sometimes we’re too afraid to let go of a love that isn’t extraordinary. We think this is the best we deserve when in fact, God has so much more. Extraordinary love is a choice and we have to actively choose it. A couple who had been married over 20 years told me that after you say I do on your wedding day, you have to commit to saying I do to that person every day for the rest of your life, which is to say, I choose you. So before you take that next step, be sure the extraordinary love is already in full effect.

I’m not just waiting to be married, I’m waiting for extraordinary love. If you’re single and desire to be married, hopefully that’s what you’re waiting for. And if you’re married or in a committed relationship, hopefully it’s what you’re experiencing. If not, I hope you get the courage to believe that not only do you deserve extraordinary love, but you can have it, if you’re willing to do your own work and let God help you create it.

Matthews 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

My cousin continuing her extraordinary love (July 2019)

Keep Your Standards, Adjust Your Preferences

I was having a conversation about dating and relationships with a good friend. And when I say having a conversation, I mean I was fussing. I was fussing at myself and my friend. We complain about being single but have this ridiculous list of must haves we didn’t consult God about. We’re so quick to holler out, “I’m not lowering my standards for anyone!” Baby, those aren’t standards, their preferences.

Standard: a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment

Preference: a greater liking for one alternative over another or others

If you look back over your life and go through every individual you gave the time of day, have you always kept your standards? Have you traded standards for preferences? I know I have. And if I keep looking back, I’ll also see some individuals who met the standards but not my preferences and I barely looked their way. In some situations I spoke to God but I didn’t really listen to what He said. I wanted what I wanted, and God’s stamp of approval would be nice but too often, I didn’t make it necessary.

How can you tell the difference between a standard and a preference? My coworker once told me to throw away the list of my dream man… (::in my Soulja boy voice:: throw away???). She told me to start a new list and only include things that I could support with scripture. The Word of God is our standard. It’s what we use to guide our daily lives, so why not use it to guide our happily ever after? After I wrote my scripture based list, I had much less on it. If I measured up the guys I dealt with to my current list, all but one wouldn’t make the cut. My preferences were getting in the way of my standards. I didn’t even notice these guys weren’t meeting the standards because I was overjoyed to be entertaining my preferences.

Your standards may look different from mine but they should be rooted in the Word. Yes, God will give you the desires of your heart and if you spend enough time with Him, you’ll find your desires mirroring His. There are people in your circle of friends that haven’t spent nearly as much time as you have, talking to God about their spouse and their dream person just magically appeared. Everything they prayed for, they got, preferences and all. Are we doing this wrong? No, we’re not. I wish I had more evidence to prove it but I’ve decided to have faith instead. Once you reach a certain age, you realize things aren’t always what they seem and even if they are, you realize it took a lot more than you may be willing to give to get there.

Why does liking them on the dark chocolate side seem like a sin? Who wants a wife who can’t cook? Who wants to be with a man shorter than them? You like a natural girl; why is that bad? No one is asking you to lower your standards (some of y’all, need to get some, period) but you may have to adjust your preferences. The standard is the prerequisite to having a chance. Either you meet it or you don’t. There are no waivers, there are no exemptions. Preferences are optional, bonus points, if you will. It’s what you notice AFTER the standard has been met. If they have them, great; if they don’t, it doesn’t disqualify them. Make sure you’re measuring people by standards and not preferences.

1 Kings 3:9 “Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?”

Be like Solomon; ask for wisdom concerning your standards.

January 2019

Kissing Frogs

So when I say frogs I don’t mean the guy you met at the mattress store, who seemed nice enough so you gave him your number and after the second conversation you realized it wasn’t going anywhere but you pursued the situation because you figured “why not.” No, he doesn’t count. Frogs in this sense mean the guy who you actually saw yourself with long term, in fact, you were pretty sure God told you he was the One. I’m talking, you prayed about it (you even took it a step further and added fasting), you were equally yoked, you had an accountability partner, and from your point of view, everything was going relatively well. Then all of a sudden you get hit with that:

“God is leading me in a different direction.” 

“You’re a really great girl but…” 

“I just need to focus on me and my relationship with God right now.”

I do a good job responding in these situations, coloring it with:

“Thank you for being honest.” 

“You definitely have to be sure you and God are good before trying to partner with someone.” 

But the conversation in my head is totally different and that usually consist of:

“God didn’t tell you this a month ago?” 

“I agree, I’m fantastic, there are no buts.” 

“You can’t multitask?” 

Then I have a conversation with God:

“I’m trying it Your way and it’s not working.” 

“Really, Jesus? So we out here wasting time and emotions.” 

“So You just don’t care.” 

I know, I know, not the Christian response you may have expected but it’s real life.


March 2017

After I get out of my feelings, I really examine my relationship with God. Did I not hear clearly? Was I not in His will? Did I miss a sign telling me this wasn’t it? Should I have prayed more? And in all honesty, I usually come to the realization I put the cart before the horse. I get so excited to like and be liked, I don’t truly wait to hear from God. If someone checks off enough boxes of my requirement list (I don’t even need all the boxes checked at this point), I want God to make it work. Ladies unfortunately every nice looking saved guy with decent conversation is not your guy. They are not your Prince Charming. They could simply be a frog; not a bad frog, but a frog nonetheless.

So now what? You let the frog hop away, and you seek God. Yes that sounds cliché, but what’s the alternative? You chasing a frog that doesn’t want to be caught or catching a frog thinking you’re going to make him into a prince? No one has time for that. I constantly have to remind myself God is not avoiding this area of my life. Although it seems like He’s allergic to it, He really is crafting the best love story.

The world will tell you to kiss as many frogs as you can until you stumble across Prince Charming. As a woman of God, I’m telling you, it don’t take all of that. I say this as a single woman, so take it with a grain of salt if you choose, but I don’t believe God intended for us to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak. We can’t be mad at God when we’re the ones out here doing trial and error with every good idea. Good ideas come and go, in fact, they hop, we call them frogs.

Let God mend your broken heart. Delete the number. Unfriend them on Facebook. Take yourself out. Read your Word. Find a hobby. Let that slippery frog go, and allow your hands to get busy doing something great.

My Prince Charming is on the way and I would hate for him to find me kissing some frog.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

***I’m figuratively speaking of kissing. As my father figure says, “don’t be out here kissing everyone.”***

Too Good to be True?

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about successful women who were still single, when all of a sudden, my friend said, “yeah, like you.” And although I had this discussion with other friends and we came to the same conclusion, on that particular day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am that successful woman who is still single and I’m not alone in this; many other women are in the same boat.

A few months ago I went out on a date and one of the questions my date asked was, “why are you still single?” I believe I said something to the effect of, “I don’t make time for relationships” or “it hasn’t been a major priority for me” and blah blah blah. Although, some of that was true, it wasn’t the whole truth.

Even when I had given my best effort (I’m talking prayed and everything), put in the time, made space for a relationship in my life, guess who still remained single? *raises hand* And when I asked why nothing was going anywhere, I was met with, “you have so much going on for yourself and I don’t want to mess that up” or “I’m still trying to get myself together” or “give me a few years.” A few years? Boy, bye! The moral of the story ended up being, “you’re too good for me,” and it is a fact. I am too good and any other woman who may be in this position, you’re too good too.

You’re too good to have to convince someone you’re worth their time of day. You’re too good to have to dumb down your intelligence to make them feel comfortable. You’re too good to have to sin against God to make a relationship work. You’re too good not to be with someone who is fully committed to you. You’re too good to be put on the back burner. You’re too good to have your time wasted. You’re much too good for any of those things, so let’s all agree that in 2017, when we see the signs where this road is headed (a dead end), we’re running the other direction.

God has set us apart (Deu. 14:2; 1 Peter 2:9) so not just any man will do. You keep doing you and be reminded that the last shall be first (Lk. 13:30; Deu. 28:13). We may feel like we’re being looked over, but in actuality we’re being set up (Rom. 8:28). As much as I included God in my love life last year, I need to include Him more and completely trust the love story He is writing for me. And I know I’ve said almost every cliché thing people say when they’re talking to Christian singles but let me add in: this waiting game sucks! But I know it’s worth it. I’ll be “too good” because eventually someone is going to come along and my too good, won’t just be good enough, but it will be more than enough.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.



And I expect nothing less than a King (December 2016)


Click here, to check out my post about good men existing.



Tip Tuesday: Dating God’s Way

We as Christians understand dating to be a step towards marriage, so we should be intentional about the relationships we find ourselves in. There are certain conversations we should have with God, ourselves, and our partners. There are also certain boundaries that should be put in place to help you and your partner date God’s way. I have zero experience with this (lol) so I have enlisted the help of the word of God and my church family (they’re so wise).  Here are some tips for dating God’s way:

Consider God’s Will

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

This ties in with last week’s post and is worth mentioning again. We all have that image of our ideal mate. We want him to be a certain height with a certain built and a certain income. Or for the men, she has to be thick in all the right places with a certain kind of hair and a certain look. There are certain attributes that really don’t matter in the long run, but we desire our mate to have, such as your wife knowing how to sing or your husband knowing how to dress. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having a preference (I know I have mine), but don’t let that be the driving force behind deciding who you date. Let being in God’s will be your main concern. Maybe God has it set up that the person you’re with is a little shorter than you  imagined or her hair is a bit curlier than you anticipated (and I do mean natural curls, naps and all lol), but they treat you like the queen and king God designed you to be and they love God and want your relationship to glorify Him. We think we know what we want, but God knows best.

Be Complete in Jesus

John 5:11 He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed, and walk.

Many people say they want to find that person who completes them, but I would encourage everyone to be complete in Christ. Relationships are not magic wands; they do not magically make life better. If you had low self esteem before you got in a relationship, it’s likely you’ll still have low self esteem once you get in a relationship. One person will not meet all of your needs and desires; total fulfillment comes from Christ alone. By relying on your mate to be everything (and more), you place unrealistic expectations and pressure on your potential husband/wife which will lead to discontentment for both of you. Be aware of the areas of your life that need improvement and share them with your Godly partner so they can encourage you, pray for you, be that listening ear, that shoulder to lean on (not too much leaning though lol). Don’t look for them to shake their magic wand and make all the bad stuff go away.

Set Boundaries

Matthew 26:41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

There is no use in thinking that because you’re saved and your partner is saved, you all are going to be able to sit up under

Perhaps a nice date night (September 2015)

Perhaps a nice date night (September 2015)

the covers cuddled up at 3am and just watch a movie every Friday night. Humans are sexual beings. Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean that sexual part automatically turns off. You have to set up ways to discipline your flesh and not leave room for the Devil to come in (every time Jonathan McReynolds pops up on my newsfeed I have to say “not today Satan” lol). Some couples may not be able to kiss without it going further, other couples may not be able to hold hands, while some couples can kiss and hold hands and be okay. It’s not about how far you can go without actually “doing it,” it’s about fleeing temptations altogether. Have those awkward conversations about sex; it’s necessary. You not only get to know the other person better but within these conversations, boundaries can be set. Friends and family (even some of the saved ones) will tell you it don’t take all that and it’ll be okay if you do this or do that, but you know you and hopefully you have gotten to know your partner. The goal is to abstain from sex before marriage so set your boundaries and follow through with them no matter what. If you know at 10pm, your mind starts wondering, you all may not need to talk after 10pm. If a kiss on the neck is too much to handle, you probably shouldn’t be kissed on the neck until you’re married. Don’t wait until you’re butt naked under the covers talking about, “God if you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign. You said You would make a way of escape.” He gave you a way of escape long before it got to that point. Set boundaries and keep those boundaries so it doesn’t have to get that far.

Stay in Your Lane

1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

He is your boyfriend, she is your girlfriend; not your husband, not your wife. Boyfriends shouldn’t get husband privileges and girlfriends shouldn’t get wife privileges. What is deemed as privileges will be different for every couple, but there are a few general privileges (one of which we discussed earlier). 1 Corinthians 7:4 discusses our bodies belonging to our spouses, not our boyfriends/girlfriends. Our spouses get the privilege of waking up next to us every morning, not our boyfriends/girlfriends. Our spouses get the title of husband or wife, not our boyfriends/girlfriends. Wives get the privilege of sharing their husband’s last name, not girlfriends. Husbands get the privilege of leading their homes, not boyfriends. Whatever you decide are privileges, honor your future spouse enough not to give them to your boyfriend/girlfriend, even if they’re the same person. Marriage was ordained by God for a reason and with it comes certain benefits which you should only be given access to if you and your partner make a commitment to each other before the Lord.

Be Honest

John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

One of my fears is getting into a relationship and losing who I am or putting up with certain things, because I’m so wrapped up in the idea of being in a relationship and being all the things I believe my partner would like to see in a mate. I don’t like museums (although the Center for Civil and Human Rights in Atlanta is amazing); it would be helpful if I let my partner know that, so I don’t

A day at the museum (March 2015)

A day at the museum (March 2015)

have to pretend to be interested and get annoyed because that’s what my partner wants to do every weekend. Some people speak with a direct tone, which can come off as condescending. If that’s your partner, let them know how you feel; they may not even be aware of it. I always say you can’t be upset with someone for not knowing how you feel if you’ve never said anything (something I’m still working on). If you can’t tell your partner it hurt your feelings when he/she said X, Y, and Z, imagine how that sets you all up for marriage. Have a voice in your relationship; your partner will appreciate being able to experience the real you.

Bonus Tip (this is me talking): Don’t date forever. Some people meet when they are younger, but I’m mainly talking to those over 25 years old or so and entering new relationships. Of course you want God to give you the go ahead, and you want to be financially set and comfortable with the person, but eight, nine, and ten years is a long time to be keeping boundaries and missing out on privileges. I’m not saying date two months and get married, but I am saying you deserve to be somebody’s wife (and men, somebody’s husband), not their long term girlfriend (boyfriend).

Thank you to the wonderful couples who shared their Godly wisdom with me, Sabrina and Brandon Hall and Donnell and Kathleen Bruce!

Tip Tuesday: 4 Tips for Single Christians Considering Dating

Thanksgiving (2014)

Thanksgiving (2014)

A friend and I went ice skating last winter and my friend being who she is (friendly), ended up in conversation with this guy. Long story short, this guy and his brother ended up helping us tighten our skates and walking out with our numbers. Often times I end up in these situations because I ask myself the question, “why not,” when I should be asking myself “why.” How do I believe this person will add to my life? What purpose will they serve in the long term? It’s easy to do things just for fun, but if we are serious about being found (women) and finding (men), as Christians there are certain things we must consider before handing out our number all willy nilly. Here are some tips for single Christians who think they may be interested in someone:

1. Pray (Proverbs 3:6)

For some reason when it comes to dating and being attracted to people, we leave God out of it. The minister who runs my church’s noonday prayer said it best, “God is interested in EVERY area of our lives.” If we think we might be interested in someone, pray about it, and see what God says.

2. Do not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14)

I’ve heard it 1000 times, you’ve heard it 1000 times and we’ve heard it 1000 times because it matters. It was very recently that I started to understand the true importance of this scripture. I told my father figure countless times, it would not be a huge deal if my boyfriend wasn’t saved or didn’t go to church; as long as he believed in Jesus, it was okay (which is interesting because I actually entertained the attention of an agnostic guy for a minute lol). I spend a lot of time involved in church activities, which would mean less time I was spending with him and could become less time I would spend at church if I started spending more time with him. I want to be with someone who I can pray with and who can pray with me, not just when times are rough, but as a part of our daily routines. I don’t want church to be “my thing,” I want Christ to be our life. My partner being saved is a non-negotiable. (Full transparency: that last sentence was really hard to write lol. It feels like I’m cutting out 99% of my possibilities (and I probably am), but I remind myself there is only one that’s suppose to find me so I can do without the others)

3a. Christian men are men too (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Don’t be afraid to be aggressive. Don’t allow the fact that you’re a Christian man allow you to forget that you’re still a man. This does not mean pursue a woman the same way an ungodly man would, but it does mean you should be the one doing the pursuing. Text her first. Give her a call. Ask her to join you for dinner. Pick up the check. Tell her she’s beautiful. Don’t make her have to guess whether or not you’re interested, show her. So many times guys get a bad rap because they talk to multiple women (sometimes at the same time), I’m saying choose one and go for it (after you have prayed and God gave you the green light). And don’t just go for the girl with the nice body or who will look good sitting on the front row as your first lady. Ask yourself is she the woman described in Proverbs 31? Does she have the potential to be that woman? Is that the woman she aspires to be? If the answer is yes, don’t miss an opportunity to show a Godly woman what a Godly man looks like.

3b. Know Your Worth (Proverbs 31:10)

“Ladies, you determine your worth. Don’t allow a man to treat you like a fast food restaurant he can drive through every time he gets the munchies. Demand that he invests his time, energy, and money in getting to know you because you are no man’s cheeseburger.” These sentiments come from a Godly man and I couldn’t agree more. I freely admit, as a Christian woman, sometimes we get desperate. In our minds (and I think it’s reality lol) there is a shortage of Godly men, so if one finds us, we put up with whatever. And in many cases even if he is not a Godly man, we still put up with whatever because we just want to feel like we’re being wanted. We do all the calling and texting. We organize (and often times pay) for all the dates, and all we require is that the guy shows up. But we (I have to remind myself) deserve more. You deserve to be texted good morning first. You deserve to be taken out on a nice date you have no idea about. You deserve to have your meal paid for (disclaimer: I’m not saying men should pay all the time but they should pay most of the time especially in the beginning 🙂 ). You are worth it, but he won’t believe it if you don’t believe it. You will have to say no A LOT, but trust that God has a yes better than all those no’s put together.

4. You don’t have to go out with every “nice girl” or every “nice guy” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

It’s okay if you don’t like everyone who likes you. Just because you’re a saved girl and he’s a saved guy, doesn’t mean you all are meant to be. Being in a Godly relationship requires more than two Godly people living for Christ. It requires two people who are mutually attracted to each other, who enjoy spending time together, and they can be their complete self with each other (not just the person everyone sees at church). Talking about church is great, but at some point you’re going to want to talk about other things, so you have to have other common interests. A friend of mine told me when he meets girls, he puts them into three categories: short term friend, long term friend, and wife potential, and behaves accordingly with each category. Men if you don’t like a girl who likes you, don’t text her every day, stop inviting her to dinner all the time, stop telling her how beautiful she is. These are things men do if they like a woman. Women if you don’t like a guy who likes you, don’t text him every day, stop agreeing to dinner every time, stop the flirty hand on his shoulder. These are things women do if they like a man. I understand that some of us are friendlier than others, which may give off the wrong impression, but make the effort to make boundaries clear.

Next week I’ll give tips on being in a Godly relationship before marriage!