Understanding My Mother
As most of you know by now, I absolutely love talking about relationships and not just romantic relationships. I’m fascinated by how fluid relationships can be. How you relate to someone today can be very different from how you related to them ten years ago. Often times these difference are rooted in changing seasons in our lives. How we see someone changes as we change. This sentiment is true of daughters who are now mothers. I asked family and friends how their understanding of their mothers have changed since becoming mothers; what lessons they have taken away from their experience as daughters that they hope to teach their children.
“I can say to continue the path of keeping God first in their lives like my mama did us!”
“The great work that goes into it, namely for mothers, whether or not the dad is present. The sacrifice and riskiness of pregnancy. The physical, emotional and maybe even mental tolls of bringing a child into the world. I guess it’s more so a greater appreciation for her and what she had to do and give up to bring us into the world and to raise us.”
“Something I understand about my mother now that I am a mother is how much she sacrificed herself to make sure that we were all good. I know, I know cliché! But I think about the days she would wake up early, get us dressed for school and herself ready for work, take four children to school then go work an eight hour shift. After all of that, she’d pick us up from our various after school activities, sometimes go to parent/teacher conferences and/or church, come home and cook a meal, get us off to bed, and finally…FINALLY, she would have time for herself and my dad. Wow! I’m tired just reminiscing! I look at my own life as a wife and a mother and I pray that I can measure up to at least half of the woman that she is.”
“My entire life I looked at her as a mother, I never looked at her as a person. I never realized how much she gave up for us to be our mother. She had goals and dreams. She had plans, but she chose to become a mother and that comes with sacrifices.”
“After becoming a mother I understood that my mom was not just a mom, but a person. And she did the best she could. When I became a mother I decided that I wanted to be better. Not better than her, but better than who I was at the time. The best I could was not enough. I wanted to unpack all my baggage and offer my children the best version of me. As I worked through my own trauma and unresolved issues, I realized how difficult it is to parent through pain. I began to understand my mother had probably been doing the same thing. I understood how exhausted she must have been. And how strong she was. I understood that there was no way for her to know if she was doing it right or if we would “turn out ok”. (Especially the difficult child *raising my hand) I understood how terrifying that must have been. I accepted that her best had been good enough.”
“How intentional she was about having us around people, outside of her and my dad, who genuinely loved us. Currently I’m trying to build that for my children. This was beneficial [for my parents] because they had a lot of quality time, but creating a community of love for us was important as well. And I see the importance of that, and being intentional about it, now that I’m a mother.”
“When you think your kids aren’t listening, they really are.”
“Since becoming a mother, I understand better the love and forgiveness that
my mother exemplified. Her love was not one size fits all, but she catered to our individual needs like only a mother can. As far as forgiveness, I can still hear her show us and tell us ‘Don’t turn rail for rail.'”
Whether your baby is still a baby or you’re mothering a pre-teen or you have adult children or you’ve been blessed to now be called a grandmother, I pray you remember that even when it doesn’t seem like it or you don’t feel you’re equipped, God is using you to influence generations to come.
Psalms 139:13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.