A while ago I participated in a little photo shoot and that was the photographer’s direction. “Ok, now act like you’re dancing.” Little known fact about me: in my head (strictly in my head), I’m an amazing dancer. I would joke with my friends that I was one of the dancers of whatever marching band we were watching perform. It’s not something I do in front of people unless I’m at a wedding (I’m the best wedding guest ever!). But there I was, being asked to dance… in front of people. As uncomfortable as I was, I did it. Hands in the air, hips swaying, I was dancing… in front of people. I was sure I looked ridiculous but then I got the pictures back and I was in complete awe of myself (shout out to my photographer).
So many things in life make us uncomfortable. Getting on stage, leading the meeting, asking the question, just one thing after another leaves us out of our comfort zones. But when we fight through that discomfort, something beautiful happens. Something we couldn’t envision, impact we couldn’t imagine, results we couldn’t dream up. Something beautiful. This is just a reminder to stand in your discomfort. Dance through it.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
About four years ago I found myself unsure of where my life was headed. I was unhappy with my job, unhappy with my love life, struggling with grief, and just really unhappy. I didn’t know what else to do but seek God. My seeking God was out of pure desperation. Not much faith was involved, mostly complaining about the unknown. Eventually God gave me direction and I was happy again but my trust in God was so shaky. Some days I knew He was working for me, other days I questioned it. Some days His timing felt perfect, other days He was moving too slow. But because He is faithful, He fulfilled His promise to me.
Today I find myself in that similar place I was four years ago: unsure. But this time I’m not unhappy. I’m not desperate. I’m not faithless. I was telling my friend about it and her response was, “oh so you’re at a pregnant pause.” That was the perfect term. A pregnant pause. If I look at my life day to day it appears as though nothing is happening, but when I look back at the months and maybe even the years, I’ll see the growth. Something significant is on the way and I have no idea where it will take me, but I’ll trust God will get me there.
I don’t hate my job, I just think it may be time for a change. Maybe a different area or age group or career altogether. I’m open to a relationship, but not desperate for one. I miss my father incredibly, but I can think of fond memories and smile. I set out this year wanting to pursue spoken word seriously but I’m okay if my stage is my living room. This space and this moment seems so contrary to what I believe is my natural self (always pursing something, figuring out my next move, etc.) but I just trust God. My last experience showed me that God always shows up for me. Always. My worrying doesn’t make Him move any faster. It doesn’t make waiting more comfortable. It only lets doubt sit where faith should stand.
This pregnant pause is necessary, and I’ll enjoy all the good things while I wait for more good things.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: