Sundays With Rae

a blog for women by a woman who is trying to get her life together while still loving Jesus

God’s Work

For as long as I can remember, I’ve enjoyed working with children. When I had to get community service hours in high school, I volunteered at daycares and a children’s shelter. When my cousin had her first son, I was only fifteen years old but treated him like my very own; changing diapers, feeding him, rocking him to sleep, dressing him, etc. I am slightly obsessed with my goddaughter and her sisters. My father figure asked me what I was passionate about in life and the only two things I could think of was loving Jesus and helping children. I always knew I would work with children in some capacity.

I tell people children under five are my favorite age group to work with because there is something magical about witnessing the simple things in life bring one joy and the feeling I get while observing little humans make connections in this big world can’t be described. Not much gets me excited, but to be able to play a role in how children see themselves and the world is one of the many things I’m most proud of about myself. I am grateful I was able to do it as a therapist and a special education teacher, but to be able to play this role as a Pre-K teacher makes my heart smile. I am truly living my dream.

I was exhausted after the first day; I mean if I sat long enough I knew I was going to sleep but I couldn’t wait to do it all over again the next day. I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to going to work. I told my fiancé that this is the feeling I have been longing for in regards to the work I do. I am sure I helped some children along the way and made an impact and whatnot, but to feel like this is why God put breath in my body is such a blessing. My first principal used to say teachers do the Lord’s work. Although I knew that to be true, it didn’t feel like it until now. I am sure hard days will come but I will know I am pursuing God’s will for my life. I am grateful for my previous jobs and all the people I have met that have led me to this place, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My Pre-K babies will get to benefit from all that God has blessed me with.  

It may not be a job for you. It may be a hobby or a particular person. Whatever it is God is pushing you towards, don’t stop pursuing it. I applied to daycares after I graduated with my therapy degree to get income until I found a therapy job. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live on my own working as a daycare teacher but I knew it would be work I enjoyed. I almost started to believe I could not do work I enjoyed and afford to live, but God showed me otherwise. And if you remain faithful over the opportunities He gives you along the way, He’ll show you too.

Colossians 3:23-24 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ

August 2021

And to read more about me figuring things out and waiting on God, click here, here, and here.

Destinations and Journeys

Pursue purpose.
Be a goal digger.
Turn your hobby into your hustle.
Do the work you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

It’s what I keep repeating to myself, but I don’t seem to be measuring up to the expectation. Starting to second guess myself, every move I make drenched in hesitation. If what’s for me is for me, why do I have to work so hard? Why am I constantly having to pick myself up off the ground and lick my own wounds? No one said it would be easy, I just didn’t think it would feel like cruel and unusual punishment. That is until I suffer a win and my labor doesn’t quite feel like it was in vain. Long nights seem worth it. It’s only then that I embrace disappointment and failure no longer seems like an option. And I tell myself…

Pursue purpose.
Be a goal digger.
Turn my hobby into my hustle.
Do the work I love and I’ll never work a day in my life.

So even when I grow tired and weary, God help me remember this is who You called me to be. Head bowed under an open sky, trying not to cry, help me remember I was made for this and I’d be remiss if I let it pass me by. Remind me stop signs aren’t dead ends, there’s plenty of road ahead. So pedal to the metal, I can’t give up now. Keep me in the fast lane, I don’t want to slow down. There is no destination, this is the journey with plenty of sights to see. Help me take it all in as I…

Pursue purpose.
Be a goal digger.
Turn my hobby into my hustle.
Do the work I love and I’ll never work a day in my life.

 

Matthew 19:26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible

 

June 2020

 

To read more about overcoming obstacles, click here.

Signed Up

As a child I never knew teachers were just as excited as students for breaks. And as a teacher, I’m still understanding that students sense a break coming just as much as we do. It’s like they want to make sure we deserve the break. After the last two weeks I’ve experienced, I can say I deserve it.

I’ve been hit, talked to crazy, yelled at, picked up crying 9 year old’s, broken up fights before 7:30am, had to ride the school bus so my student would get on, failed to get another on the school bus who simply refused, stayed way past 5pm to get done what didn’t get done, remained calm as my student experienced what felt like 35 different emotions in the span of an hour, and I kept showing up. Unfortunately, this is not a unique experience. Teachers and administrators who work in environments similar to mine will echo similar stories, if not worse. And on top of everything we’ve had to deal with, we’re still faced with the responsibility to teach.

Someone asked my principal how he was doing because of all the craziness we had been dealing with and his response was, “I’m good. This is what I signed up for.” Back in May I discussed what it took to teach at my school and how I chose to work where I work and I’ve had to remind myself of this choice these past two weeks. I’ve had to tell myself these students still need to learn to add and subtract and sound out unfamiliar words and write a sentence. They still need me to do my job in spite of having to do a million and one other things that aren’t in the job description. I’ll never get paid enough or receive the recognition others may think I’m worthy of, but I assure you no one goes into this profession for the money or fame. You do it because you think you can help a child be better than they are today. It literally brings tears to my eyes knowing I won’t be able to help them all but it won’t be because I didn’t try.

I would prefer not to endure more weeks similar to the last two, but I’m committed to showing up and trying even if they are. I’m also committed to self-care and making sure I’m well so I can show up as the best version of myself which means enjoying every moment of this break. After all, like my principal said, this is what I signed up for.

Shameless plug: If you are wanting to show a teacher you appreciate them and the work they do, consider donating to my project to help my students get laptops. Part of my job is to teach my students how to navigate in the world outside of the classroom which involves knowing how to interact with technology. Your donations will help me do this. Thanks in advance! https://www.donorschoose.org/project/the-world-at-our fingertips/4318295/?utm_source=dc&utm_medium=directlink&utm_campaign=teacherhub&utm_term=teacher_5173652&rf=directlink-dc-2019-11-teacherhub-teacher_5173652&challengeid=21140514

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me

October 2019

Say Something

Per usual, I was having a conversation with a friend about grief and I told her that healing doesn’t mean not feeling. I thought about all the times I walked around not feeling anything because I didn’t have the energy or time to do so. There was always something more important to focus on. Work, church, family, friends, always something. I didn’t realize my cup was full and this grief was spilling over into every area of my life. I didn’t notice how many plans I cancelled or didn’t bother to make. I didn’t notice how careful my interactions were with others, afraid they’d ask too many questions. I didn’t notice how quiet my dreams had become.

I told my friend a lot of stuff that she probably already heard or wasn’t interested in hearing, but I wish I told her about Job. When my dad passed, I turned to the Book of Job, for what I thought would bring me hope and solace, after all, growing up in church I always heard how Job was faithful to God even after he lost everything… That’s not exactly how the story went. Job was not praising God all the day long while he went through. He wasn’t pretending nothing was wrong. To put it quite frankly, Job was not here for what God was allowing him to go through and he didn’t mind telling his friends and God about it. Maybe Job didn’t curse God, but he cursed the day he was born. He had no problem displaying his grief by tearing his clothes and shaving his head. In fact, in Job 7:11, Job says he won’t be quiet, but he’ll talk about his anguish and he’ll complain from his bitter soul. Job refused to suffer in silence like so many of us do. We think we’re doing everyone a favor, including ourselves, by not grieving so loudly, but it’s killing us softly. Job was as faithful as they come, and even he acknowledged the pain he endured.

Everyone’s process is different but I’m of the belief we can’t talk grief out in our heads. For some it means going to counseling, for others it means going to lunch with a friend, for others talking to God out loud, and still others it means writing a book about it. Or you may be like me and have to do all of the above (a lot of times). Just because you can’t “feel” grief or maybe you ignore it, doesn’t mean it’s not there, begging for your attention, wanting you to share it so you don’t have to bear the load by yourself. Your display of grief may not be as elaborate as Job’s, but its affect on your life can be just as impactful. I’m going to tell you like I told the little girl at my school who wouldn’t speak up for herself: “you better open your mouth and say something.”

Chicago, IL (April 2019)