Sundays With Rae

a blog for women by a woman who is trying to get her life together while still loving Jesus

Owning Your Yes

I’ve heard many people say “no” is a complete sentence. And although I’ve gotten better about setting boundaries (read about my struggle here), I’m still a work in progress. As I continue to learn how to own my “no,” I’m also learning the importance of owning my “yes.”

During my freshmen year of college, I learned of a study that found even when confident about their response, many women (I don’t remember the actual percentage) start their response with “I think” or “maybe” or “it could be.” It made their opinion quieter and less threatening. I was one of those women but after hearing that statistic, I did my best to say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I fail often. Over ten years later, I’m still hesitant to say exactly what I want or how I feel. Sometimes I’ll catch myself and rephrase my response so that my opinion is highlighted and not downplayed, which is growth. It’s difficult though. So difficult, sometimes I ashamedly opt to say nothing.

I consider the summer of 2011, my great awakening. I was in Hawaii surrounded by amazing people, and I said yes to so much and benefitted greatly from it. But after my dad died in 2013, I didn’t give my yes as freely anymore. In a lot of ways I felt like I had to remember how to live and move in the world and most days that consisted of trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other.

Fast forward to 2020… For my 30th birthday my best friend gifted me Shonda Rimes’s book “Year of Yes,” and it was such a refreshing read. It encouraged me to choose to be the main character in my own story. Always. Not in a selfish, nobody else matters kind of way, but in an I’m deserving of enjoying the good things life has to offer kind of way. I started saying yes to dreaming again and yes to attaining my goals and yes to being kinder and yes to learning more about God. As I transition into different seasons of my life, I need no, but I need more yes too.

Yes to your restaurant of choice. Yes to the job. Yes to the date. Yes to the outfit. Yes to the trip. Yes to Jesus. Spread your yes’ around like confetti! It’s been said you don’t miss what you’ve never had but let me tell you, there’s no reason to miss out on all God has for you. As difficult as this may still be for me, owning my yes will always be worth the work for me.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

October 2021

Saying No

I recently had to tell a friend no to a very important request. I knew the request was coming and every time I thought about saying no, my stomach turned a little. Even though I knew it was the right decision, it didn’t make me feel any better about it because I don’t like saying no. It feels like I’m letting the person down; almost as though their life can’t continue if they don’t have my yes. I know how ridiculous that sounds. To think I have that much influence in someone’s life, is just not realistic. It’s like saying God can’t use anyone but me and I know that’s not true.

The past six or so months, I’ve attempted to master the skill of saying no. Not because I don’t want to be helpful to others, but because some circumstances are not helpful to me. It causes stress that affects other areas of my life. Sometimes I don’t have any room on my plate for anything else and instead of trying to pile something else on, I need to say no. I can be a better friend, employee, family member, and Christian when I can give a whole hearted yes and not an obligated yes. When I do the latter, I find myself resenting the person because I said yes. They didn’t force me; I made a choice. And I’ve started choosing to say no more often.

There are times in life when saying yes is inconvenient and we simply don’t want to, but it allows us to be a blessing and we should say yes. It can be difficult to differentiate between those times and the obligated yes. I’m still figuring that part out, but one tip I can give you is to truly seek God first. No agenda, no preconceived notions, just a simple “what would You have me to do, God?” Trust the answer He gives you and if it’s a no, trust that the people in your life will accept your no as the best answer you could give.

Colossians 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

February 2020